Let it go

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What you do when your are so hurt that you rather prefer death of given a choice.  I am not here to blame anyone.  But with each passing day the hurt only increases.  When you have been this hurt you smile but do you eyes smile too? When at every given point the guilt keeps inside you bleeding and you have to pretend.  For every hurtful thing you said was only for him and his betterment.  Because you want him to be happy.  Because you want him to smile, laugh and enjoy his life.  Because you don't want to put him through all of the things you have been through.  But what if he says get the fuck out of my life? What is he says leave me alone,  let me be myself,  rid yourself of me,  never reply or message back, you know the reason and if you don't ask anyone and what not.  For be was the only one for me and maybe I was no one.  He cares about his image,  has he ever thought what he does to my image when he plainly denies,  no weren't in a relationship.  For all the people that have asked him that he replied in the same way and sadly those are the exact same people I shared everything with.  I am not blaming him,  it just hurts to realize the person you love so much hates you with the exact same intensity.  It hurts when you realize that he means the world to me and I am just a mistake of his life. It hurts to see him so happy and cheerful without me when there is not a single moment I don't remember him and go down on a guilt trip.  It hurts that all I want is him to be back and all he wants is me to never ever return.  It hurts all I have done and said I try to remain true to it while he finds and articulates a new reason to leave and hate me.  It hurts that he is creating new memories without me everyday and I still can't get out the conversations we once had.  All of it hurts and I still can't let him go while all he wants is me to leave him alone.

© Aditi Tiwari 2016.  DBA™ All rights reserved. 

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